Category: Funny

My new addiction to HOME DEPOT

Published on by LouiseSattler2 Comments

There was a time when shopping meant going to stores like Macy’s, Coldwater Creek or even TARGET.  However, since our purchase of a true “Fixer-Uper” in the South Shores of California, I am trading clothes shopping for …..paint, doors and plumbing supplies!  Goodbye shoe rack, hello shower stalls.  Goodbye scarves and dresses, hello deck railing and paint.

Now for some, home repair is as exciting or even more exciting than shopping for self-indulgent wardrobe additions.  I hope that in time, I will see that getting a new set of ceiling fans is equally special as the new sandals I have been scoping out at DSW.

I will say that staff at  HOME DEPOT  have been very patient with me.  I have visited  HOME DEPOT’S  in at least four states while trying to get a grasp of all the home goods that are out there.  Each time I travel for speaking engagements I seem to find myself in  HOME DEPOT with my iPhone snapping samples of tile, carpet or even appliances. YES.. we are the fools that bought a home that doesn’t even come with a fridge or washer/dryer set.  At least we have a working stove… we think.

In case you are wondering why we picked a Charlie Brown house (one that others overlook, but we found merit)…  note that we are less than a mile to the Pacific Ocean.  The view alone is worth having to scrub paint out of my hair on a daily basis.

So, please be patient as future blogs will chronicle the transformation of our “Charlie Brown House” in to our “little haven by the beach”.

Have a groovy week!  This blog will be on hiatus as I make the trek from metro DC to LA area.

Why Selling a Home Should be an Olympic Sport

Published on by LouiseSattlerLeave a comment

 HELP!  Who would have known that selling a home could suck you dry of all free time, spare money and energy? It all started several months ago when hubby was offered a wonderful new job in sunny and warm California.   Now I am NOT here to sell you a home.  Actually, I won’t even give you the address. But, I do want to educate future home sellers on what I have learned from this grueling process.  So, go ahead and read the list below and then feel free to give help/resources in the comment section.

HOW TO PREPARE YOUR HOME TO SELL (Louise’s list of what I learned, so far)

1. No matter what.. the minute you sign on the dotted line a contract to sell your home in the trusty hands of a realtor, the home ceases to be yours. It may still LEGALLY be yours, but the warm fuzzy feeling it has had will be gone. That is because .. (see 2) So go ahead and photograph your beloved home before others trample through it.

2. You will be asked to put away the things that make a house a home.  Family photos, cute artwork on the fridge, FIDOS favorite toys – they all will be now sharing space in the back of your closet or a storage unit.

3. Get a storage unit. Nothing can make your home feel more “roomy” than a nice big storage unit. Don’t forget to hire local teens to haul your stuff, too! See you are helping out the local economy two-fold!

4. Invest in painting the home.  I love “STRONG” colors.  Evidently, many people can’t vision their own belongings in a home with cranberry accent walls. So, go ahead and paint your favorite rooms with basic beige. By the way, in case you are wondering there are a zillion shades of WHITE.  No, I’m serious. Currently our home is Alabaster White.

5. Bring in a home inspector to fix all the things you didn’t know was wrong with your home before some other person complains or takes “notice”.  This may seem redundant, but truly I wish we had done this FIRST. Then we wouldn’t have needed to be a “rush” call to see why the plumbing was leaking. Same with RADON testing.  Do it asap.

6. Consider moving out before the house is put up for sale. If you can, this really is the best way to go. Stage your home with a few pieces of furniture and then have your days free of needing to race home to grab FIDO before perspective buyers come to visit.

7. This is where you get to respond.  Any words of advice that can be our lucky #7 tip??

A special shout-out and many thanks to the wonderful realtors from Long and Foster who have been quality providers and helped us through the process.  And, for those who are curious- we sold our home in less than a month.  Now on to the next task- BUYING a home!

MAP SKILLS

Published on by LouiseSattler2 Comments

This blog is not new, it was offline and updated with a new image.  

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Map skills.  Yep, that is the topic of this new blog.  Plain. Simple. Basic map skills. The kind you learn in third grade when the teacher points to a place on the wall sized classroom map .  Remember?  She/he then will ask where  is your school located? This then proceeds to a lively interactive lesson where each student takes turn pointing to where they were born, traveled and more!   Some lucky kids may even get to point outside of the contiguous United States.  Some teachers even asked kids to use all their colored pencils to draw maps and more! Gosh I loved map skills day!

Now keep in mind… many of the maps looked like the one above. How many third graders grew up thinking that Alaska and Hawaii were so close together and near Texas or even Mexico? Isn’t Alaska close to Russia?

Now you may be wondering why I am perseverating on map skills .  Well, quite simply it all started with a conversation between hubby, a sales clerk from a box store and myself. You see hubby and I are in the throes of moving from metro DC to metro LA. (What can I say- we like the metro- life…sorta).  Anyway- we decided to go shopping for a washer and dryer since the new digs doesn’t come equipped and I am long past laundry mat days.  While in the box store the nice sales clerk told us all about the “in store specials”. However, when we pointed out that our items were probably going to be purchased in our new home state of CALIFORNIA this was how the rest of the conversation continued:

Sales clerk:  “Electric across country may be different than we use here in Maryland.”
Hubby:   “We are only going to California“

Sales clerk:” They may use a different kind of electric, like you know voltage.“

Me: (Using my inside my head voice)… Seriously, we need to pull out a map and have a bit of a lesson about what constitutes the United States!

 

Now just in case you are wondering here are a few helpful facts….

California has been part of the United States since September 1850

Electric in New York, Maryland, Iowa and even California is the SAME.

According to the CA.gov website… More than 13,000 of California’s wind turbines, or 95 percent of all of California’s wind generating capacity and output, are located in three primary regions: Altamont Pass , Tehachapi (south east of Bakersfield) and San Gorgonio (near Palm Springs, east of Los Angeles).  

And… according to an educational website 37% of United States citizens failed to find the United States on a basic world map.

Obviously, map skills need to continue beyond the third grade.  Next week maybe we will discuss basic life skills, like balancing a check book or knowing how to sew a basic hem.

 

map courtesy of google

Would you rather be SMART or LUCKY?

Published on by LouiseSattler8 Comments

              

 

“Would you rather be smart or lucky?”, I was asked by a cameraman who was shooting some video last week of Beth Engeleman and myself. Hmmm.  That is a loaded question, I thought!  At first I blurted out, “LUCKY!” – as I have already thought that I have had an enormous amount of luck in my life.  It is fate/luck that born me in to a family that was able to provide, nurture and love me.  Some people are not that “lucky”.  Then I thought again and of course changed to “SMART”.  I guess I was contemplating that some circumstances are due to good planning and education – and that takes “smarts”.

Days later I am back to vacillating on the answer…. URGH!! So my readers, let me pose the question to YOU… If given a choice would you rather be SMART or LUCKY.  Keep in mind this is a choice.  Can’t wait to read your comments.  By the way – Beth couldn’t decide either!

 

The Art of Moving. Why Winnie the Pooh makes the cut and the furniture doesn’t!

Published on by LouiseSattler11 Comments

Goodbye Washington DC area and hello Los Angeles.  After 17 years, my hubby and I are moving. It is a bittersweet experience, and I must say that the hardest part is the packing!

The physical labor is one thing. But, the deciding what stays with us and what gets donated or tossed is another. It is as if we are walking through  a memory vault. Which brings me to the box of Winnie the Pooh stuffed animals and books. There are a lot of Winnie the Pooh items in our house. Also, we have loads of children’s books and Barbies! They got priority packing in nice and neat Rubbermaid boxes. With each toy and book I can hear my kids as preschoolers laughing. I can visualize their make-believe play on rainy days.  I can remember the joy that this house brought to our family.

Photo albums also get “presidential treatment”. Each one wrapped again and again and placed in waterproof bins. Each one first being looked at with large quantities of time. Again, evoking memories of long ago and some more recent.

I also have decided that moving is an art form. Now keep in mind we have a full moving service, but I am OCD enough to pack and
unpack my belongings before the “official movers” arrive.  Each box is color coded and photos taken of the contents.  They are labeled with Sharpie pens and then the photos are adhered to the outside of the boxes. Crazy I know! But, I don’t want Winnie the Pooh and Tigger – too getting lost among the dishes.

As for the tired furniture- it goes! Actually it already has gone or is on its’ way to area shelters to help women and families who are victims of domestic violence.

If you have any moving suggestions, please comment below. I can use all the help I can get. 

Thanks for reading!

My Year of Learning How to Kick Cancer to the Door

Published on by LouiseSattler9 Comments

It has been a year since I heard the words that no one wants to have burned in to their brain- Sorry, but you have metastatic cancer.  Yep, that was me.  A little more than a year ago.  It was a sunny day. I was going for what was suppose to be a “no brainer” ultrasound of a few “probably nothing” nodes in my neck. I walked in an optomist thinking of nothing more than how I would spend the rest of the day after the procedure shopping.   I walked out of Johns Hopkins outpatient center a statistic – someone with cancer. WOW! In fact, according to some recent stats, I was one of 357,000 women living with Thyroid cancer. Oh Goody!

Because people sometimes read what I write or ask me to speak in media, I get to talk about my Life with Cancer – a lot. As an educator, I don’t mind. It gives me an opportunity to set the record straight and educate others about being proactive with personal health issues. I learned from the best on how to be an example of someone who lives with cancer BUT is not defined by cancer, from my friend and colleague, Maimah Karmo.   I learned to blog about my  pre-op, post-op and treatment phases. I helped others learn too by talking to groups, being interviewed and blogging for others on websites such as, DEAR THYROID.    I even filmed a PSA for IamtheFACEofTHYROIDDISEASE.org.

I learned that you can’t be a member of this “club” alone. That people will come and rally around you. Friends and family will support you in ways that are just too numerous to count. I was really lucky to have a bunch of Cancer Warriors join my team. They all should know who they are and consider this a group hug and THANK YOU!   And, a huge thanks to  all the Top Docs at Johns Hopkins Hospital.  Overall, I was damn lucky this year to have so many in my corner.

     

I realized pretty quickly that if I had to go through this crap that I should do it with grace, humor and a purpose. So, I decided to run a TWITTER SCARF campaign. I stole the idea from my friend, Shara Lawrence-Weiss.  (Pictured wearing her TWITTER avatar hat.Read the TWITTER story here). In essence, I changed my TWITTER avatar to be a free advertisement for a company or foundation. I simply would wear a different scarf and photo shop their logo.  The company would then in turn donate monies to the charity of their choice. I had a lot of response and together we all donate almost a thousand dollars. Purpose.. yep- cancer can give you purpose when you are not caught up in the anger.

Now it was not all fun and games. Cancer never is. The treatment for thyroid cancer is not as bad as other cancers. I didn’t have to have chemotherapy, but I did need to have Radioactive Iodine treatments – which are no joy.  The worst part of the process, however is the waiting. Did the treatment work? Do I need another? Is anything else growing and if so, where?

I also learned some really important life lessons. Cancer is expensive and insurance companies can’t make those co-pays magically disappear.   I learned that not all people want to stick by you and remain friends because cancer may be “contagious”.  Real friends stick around and those who are just in it for only the “good” but not the “bad or the ugly” will run for the hills.  I heard from others who also are in the cancer world that it is not uncommon for  relationships to unravel. That is a shame, but a reality. As I mentioned, I’m grateful for those who stuck around (including my amazing hubby) and deleted the rest. Cancer can be an emotional brain sucker.  No need to spend any synapses worrying about those who were afraid that they may “catch’ the BIG C.

I will no doubt have more journey in the coming years. Cancer doesn’t like to just go away easily. There is always follow-up scans, blood work and more. Even if you are in remission you still have “more to do”.  But, I intend to kick cancer to the door in 2012. Not the front door, but the back door. Cancer doesn’t have the right to go out nicely.

Lastly, Happy Holidays and please feel free to share your pearls of wisdom if you too have been on a cancer journey this year or in the past. Let’s all learn from each other.

OY My Baby Ears!

Published on by LouiseSattler1 Comment

Our newsletter has been published and a very special announcement of a contest was made. READ HERE

This week I have heard some pretty “interesting” comments while waiting on lines in various stores and restaurants.  All were made by people talking loudly on cell phones and not using any kind of decorum, whatsoever!

My favorite comment came from a woman who was next to me in line at PANERAS Restaurant. She was talking really passionately and loudly on her cell while I ordered my usual Monday morning LARGE coffee.  Without missing a beat she blurted out to her phone caller, “Well sex with you isn’t that good either!”.  Talk about bringing an entire restaurants activity to a standstill.  I, mid-grasp of my cup, couldn’t resist the urge to look over to see exactly who was this person that just burned my “baby ears”.  OY VEY!

Now luckily, I am a person of mature age and able to decompress without much fanfare from such an announcement (other than racing home to formulate my blog, that is).  What if this was the day before when there were little kids in the same line at the same time (Yes, I need a 12 step coffee addiction program).   My point, however,  is that in my humble opinion we ALL need to be vigilant about using a censor button when speaking in public.  For me that includes words that can’t be said on regular prime-time television, either.

So, for all of those who feel the need to take their private and saucy conversations in to a public venue –  stop being so immature, selfish and needy.  Go home, go to your car, or go for a walk.  But, let our kids be kids without all the verbal pollution.

Thanks for allowing me to respectfully rant.  Feel free to express your humble opinions below.

BLINK…

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I blinked and all the kids in my family and neighborhood grew up!  For the most part they are now either in the throes of college life or have entered and are succeeding in the workforce! How did the “kids” in my life  grow up when I stayed the same age?  Wasn’t it just “yesterday” when I was the one going on Spring break, looking for the Summer job and deciding how to decorate my dorm room?

And as long as we are talking about things that happen when you “blink” I have a few more questions. First, who took all the names I recognized of celebrities in PEOPLE magazine and switched them for those I don’t know?  And why are all the clothes that  I use to own in the 1970’s back on the racks in stores, again! And please, explain to me what is the difference between a vanilla latte and plain ‘ole coffee with milk and a shot of vanilla flavoring? And is that the kid who I helped learn to count to ten back in 1997 now working as my barista?

I’ll be ending my blog now as I search for the fountain of youth.  Or at least so I can look in the back of my closet for the original peasant dress I use to own and my PEACE shaped necklace.

Thanks for reading.

When Did RUDE Behavior Become Acceptable?

Published on by LouiseSattler3 Comments

I have heard more people complain about the rudeness of others in the last week than I can ever remember (And unfortunately have been an eyewitness to my share!) People who won’t move out of the way for a mother with a baby stroller, another who wouldn’t open a door for an elderly man, and someone who got all “snippy” instead of attempting to use common everyday logical problem solving techniques. So, I ask.. where did we go wrong or is there some cosmic explanation?

Now I like to think that I am one of those people who see the good in a person before the bad. Maybe as a psychologist I have seen really dark sides to some people, so others pale in comparison. And this is not to say that rudeness is common to only one age group or demographic.  Nope. It seems to be rampant among all age groups, lately. Except for babies, they get an exemption.

I am not sure I have an answer to how we combat rudeness and put common courtesy back in to our everyday skill set.  So, please help me out and let me know how you stop pervasive rudeness / bullying among those who should know better.

Thanks for reading.  Please feel free to leave a polite and considerate comment below.

~Louise

p.s. If you wish to listen to my interview this past Tuesday with Susan Ferris, click here for your listening options.  Transcript will be posted later today on this blog.