I don’t know about you – but after 60+ years on this planet, I don’t need any more stuff! So, instead of receiving birthday gifts I flip the scenario and ask for people to donate to a charitable cause in lieu of gifts or cards. It has been my birthday tradition to “give and not receive” for at least ten years or more. Typically, I pick out a worthy charity and request donations to be sent to this worthy organization. But, this year was different as I decided to offer a different approach- one where my friends and family can pick a charity of their choice and then add the information on my Facebook wall so others can support it, too. The results were astonishing! People donated time, money, and much more to so many different charities worldwide.
Want to participate? It is never too late! Simply add in the comment section a worthy (and legitimate) charity. This blog is often shared, so it is my hope that we can sprinkle our generosity throughout the globe!
Here are just some of the fantastic organizations that friends and family supported (in no certain order):
STANFORD MASIN MEMORIAL SCHOLARSHIP – (Donations to be sent to the Wellsville Central Schools – New York- State Street, Wellsville, NY 14895)
Several went through their closets to donate clothing and home goods to local organizations, includingGoodwilland Habitat for Humanity
As for me, I sprinkled my “love” with many of the charities listed above. I also refinished several pieces of furniture and gave them away to families and individuals in need. People often ask about the designs. They are transfers embedded in the wood. The ones used below are fromMaika Daughters.
Nearly 11 years ago Hubby and I packed up our lives and moved across the United States from Maryland to California. While others may have thought this was a very arduous assignment – I gladly grabbed the opportunity to trade the “burbs” for a chance to live in a community that borders the Pacific Ocean. (And for the record, we don’t miss the snow, leaf raking, or buggy summer nights with heavy thick air due to the humidity and hot temperatures!)
Since becoming a “left coaster” – I have been snapping more than my share of photos. Today, I chose to post a few recent photos of “The Lady Pacific” (as I like to call her). And, if you keep scrolling you will even find a video. I hope they bring you thoughts of calm and peace.
Enjoy!
p.s.
All of these are my personal photos- so please respect my creative work and don’t “hijack” them. Thank you.
Interpretive Center, Palos VerdesSan Pedro CA @LouiseSattlercopyright: Louise Sattler copyright: Louise SattlerCopyright: Louise Sattler
I Love Utah! In all honesty I love most of the Southwest of the United States. From the vastness of the Grand Canyon to the small state parks sprinkled throughout the area. But, in all honestly, it is Southern Utah that is one of my “happy places” on this planet. First – it is GORGEOUS. Just when you think you have seen the most amazing formations of rocks you drive around a bend and there is one even more stunning!
If you have only a few days to spend in Southern Utah then I recommend the following as a route that is family-friendly and full of adventure. Please keep in mind to do your due diligence before venturing out as parts of Utah are at a pretty high altitude and some of the trails that I may mention are not for the novice hiker.
Start your adventure in St. George and Ivins
St. George ,Utah is a very charming city just a few miles north of the Arizona border and about 75 minutes from the Las Vegas airport. It has something for everyone! From adorable vintage, antique, and thrift shops to outdoor sports to please nearly everyone. One of my favorite places to stay is actually a wee bit north of St. George at the Red Mountain Resort. This place is not your typical hotel (and adults only)- but rather a resort that insists you relax and unwind. There are just so many spa treatments to indulge yourself in, healthy eating, and a pool and several spas to help you rejuvenate. While it is not cheap- it is worth every penny.
When you are in the area of Ivins- drive over to the Snow Canyon State Park. It will take you less than 10 minutes to get there. The price of entry to the park is $15 per carload. We stopped at nearly every area that had trails of mild to moderate degrees. My favorite is Jenny’s Canyon. Oh gosh, this place was amazing. Hubby really loved the Sand Dunes. And the area known as Lava Flow was very popular – especially with kids hopping the lava rocks. Johnson Canyon also was popular. The walk was not extreme, but pleasant. Sadly, very little of this park is wheelchair accessible. There are some paved areas near Johnson Canyon – but not much more than that. Two areas for restrooms are available and park rangers are in the visitor’s center to assist you.
Snow Canyon is filled with wild cacti and other amazing plantsLava rocksWalking up to Jenny’s CanyonSnow Canyon visitor centerRest your weary feet at the Snow Canyon Visitor’s CenterWalking out of Jenny’s CanyonSuch interesting rock formationsWalking in to the most interesting part of Jenny’s Canyon
Fall in Love with Zion National Park (ZNP)
Arizona may have Sedona and the Grand Canyon – but Utah wins the beauty contest in my book with Bryce and Zion. There are trails to hike at both places, but in the snow it is a bit dangerous and necessary equipment is needed for safety. Frankly, I was lucky to have my winter coat during this last trip.
There is something about Zion that makes it indescribable. I have been three times and each time I fall more in love with this park. Maybe because it appears differently each time I visit. This past trip the park was slightly dusted with snow. It was magnificent. I have written about Zion before and you can read more here.
To enter Zion NP you either need to take a shuttle bus from the various spots along the main route leading to the park in the town of Springdale or pay $30 and up to drive through. There is a third option for those who wish to drive through the park and that is to have the America the Beatiful National Park Pass. This pass allows you entry into the 2,000 federally owned recreation sites, such as national parks in Utah! The park opens early – 8 am. Be there when it opens to maximize the grand effect it will have on you with the quiet and stillness of the early morning. The River Walk is for novice hikers and accessible for wheelchairs. There are many more adventurous areas to explore such as Angel’s Landing. (not for the faint of heart or this writer.) A list of the trails, their ratings, and when they are open (some are closed due to weather, etc.) may be on this up-to-date website.
Below is a picture that hubby snapped while we were driving through the twists and turns of Zion.
We stopped to snap this lovely mountainside. Sadly, my shot doesn’t quite capture the grandness of this area.
Make sure to stop at the Visitor’s Center in Zion NP and also if you drive all the way out the east exit – keep going. There are so many wonderful little shops and places to visit within a few miles of the park. PLUS… it is the back route to Bryce Canyon National Park – a “short” 90 or so miles from Zion NP!
BRYCE CANYON – So much to say – so little time!
When you enter Bryce you may think it will be a nice little drive through a wooded area. But, then you are nearly gob-smacked with the awesomeness that surprises you around each and every corner. This is the majesticness of Bryce Canyon National Park!
I prefer visiting this park using a system that my family calls the Disneyland method! Start at the end and work your way to the front of the park. The drive from the entrance gate to the end is about 20 miles. Be sure to stop at the visitors center on your right-hand side right after passing through the gate. The price is pretty much as Zion – so getting that America Beautiful Pass is really worth it! At the center there is a preview movie about the area and a nice walk-through set of exhibits. The gift shop is really filled with practical items – like sunscreen and water bottles.
My favorite area is called the Rainbow Bridge. It is a marvel to look at. Hubby really enjoyed exploring the region call The Apitheater – and it truly does look like one!
While it is possible to cover both Zion and Bryce in a day- I don’t recommend it. You made it this far to visit two of the most beautiful parks in the world – why rush it? Stay a few days and enjoy!
And, meander around the local area as well. There is the town of La Verkin that has the River Rock Roasting Company – a must for those who love to eat! This place has awesome pizzas, quiches, and of course – COFFEE! Springdale also has numerous shops and restaurants for most palates. Hurricane, “known as the gateway to the parks” – is great to stock up on supplies and explore some antique shops.
Need more convincing as to why you should travel to Southern Utah? Well, I just happen to have a few more photos to show you! Enjoy and Happy Travels!
As 2022 is about to come to a close – I breathe a sigh of relief. This was the year that the Covid 19 pandemic was supposed to take a backseat and our lives were supposed to be moving forward. In some respects that did happen. A little. But, as this year ends a “trifecta’ of viruses (RSV, COVID, and INFLUENZA) has been surging – leaving many realizing that 2022 was not the year of “going back to normal” we had hoped.
But wait – so much GOOD and perhaps GREAT DID happen during 2022. We need to applaud the “wins” of 2022. During this year some people found love. Couples who postponed their nuptials during the pandemic got married. Babies were born. And kids were playing outside with other kids again! Movie theaters opened their doors, events were “in person”, and we all were thrilled to hug friends and family!
2022 also saw vaccines that were made available for younger age groups. We dusted off our passports and traveled abroad (as well as locally). Restaurants (re)opened. Many went back to work. We laughed. We danced. We celebrated. We learned to LIVE again!
So, let’s say BRAVO to all who survived and perhaps thrived during the year that was fraught with its share of sadness. And, let’s jump into 2023 with positivity!
I’m ready! Are you?
Enjoy the photos snapped during 2022!
Happy Holidays!
~Louise
Who doesn’t love a light house!
Sunset Palos Verdes
Sunset – San Diego/ Coronado
The Coronado Christmas Tree – full of surprises – like owls
Look closely
in 2023 walk new paths
Movies are reopened
Read books to empower you in 2023
and don’t forget to make time to read to a child
Discover new coffee brands!
Start a new hobby or business
Laugh – as life has many funny surprises. Like this one!
At the end of the day remember – there is no place like home (photo taken from our home in LA)
It is that time of year when parents and grandparents are looking for gifts for their cherubs that will remain of interest long after the last holiday cookie is eaten. For me, those gifts are ones from the heart and usually have a “theme”. This year I would like to propose giving the gift of “exploration” to a child.
Imagine your child learning about the world beyond their front doors. Where they can learn about different states, countries, or even space! Package books, a globe, a telescope, maps, arts and crafts activities, and even games for a multidimensional gift that will bring enjoyment (and sneak in learning) for years to come!
Maybe take these ideas for a “spin”…
Travel to the stars and beyond!
Have you ever spent more than a few seconds looking at the stars? Wondering what happens on other planets? In other solar systems? Here are some ideas for kids to learn more about the world beyond Earth.
A primer book about space for preschool and early readers. Great illustrations to help stimulate learning! Familius Publishing
Montessori System and Planets puzzle/ TouchwoodDesign via Etsy
A little “planetary” humor! This t-shirt can be a conversation piece and a party favorite! via Quality Appearance on Etsy
Pack Your Bags!
Traveling can be a challenge for children and their parents. After all, who loves the chorus of “Are we there yet?”. Not me! So, here is an idea to keep kids busy and parents sane. Wrap up small ‘gifts” to be dolled out during the trip on the half – hour of hour mark. Intersperse what kind of activity is presented. Coloring books, small electronic games, clever puzzles like a Rubric cube, card games, magic activities, and games that are a spin-off of family favorites such as “license plates” – all work! Here are some of my favorites –
It is no secret that I love, love, love to travel! That is why when I found out about the Familius’ travel series for young readers that teaches interesting facts about states and fundamental skills (such as counting or the ABCs) – I am more than willing to share that information with all of you. (Yes, the publisher sent me copies of the books – all that I will give away!) Each book is different. There is no formula that is repopulated for each version. Instead, the author highlights key places such as ZION National Park for the Utah edition. This is a great gift for kids who are traveling to these states to “prep” before they land. Note that colors are matched with the “state theme”.
This year, Familus Publishing, gifted me with books that had Christmas themes, as well. These are not your ho-hum little kid’s books. Like many titles from Familius, these are written on two levels – with grownups AND kids in mind!
Case in point … The 12 Little Elves series is a hoot! I laughed for quite some time when I saw the Little Elves negotiating freeway traffic inside the California edition. (If you have ever sat in traffic on “the 405” you would be hysterical laughing, too!) For their full state collection click here. I also asked our friends at Familius to consider other holidays with slightly different characters, too!
Under the Sea!
Sneak in learning through technology
Here are some ideas to keep your teens and tweens happy, including while driving. We all know that this age group is glued to their phones – so why not give them constructive tech activities? Consider having your ‘co-riders’ track distances between points along the route, thus sneaking in some math and reading skills. Next, have them snap photos and organize them into folders with the goal of creating a memory album or photo book at the end of your journey (executive functioning skills are the bonus here!). And, to help with these endeavors try CANVA (education tab) and photo companies such as Shutterfly or Snapfish.
Now Your Ideas?
Do you have a great gift idea that maybe has educational and is large on the “fun value”, too?
Special Note: I do not receive payment for any promotions you see on this page. The most I am afforded are a few free games or books from publishers for review. I only add these books, games, etc. if the products are deemed of fun and educational value. If you see them here – they passed “my test”! Amazon is where yu will find the majority of what you see here. Familius Publishing is a company that I have an ambassador relationship with – but in all honesty – their products are TOP NOTCH!!
I always say that third grade is a very important year in the life of a child. It is the year that so much brain development happens within the classroom, at home, and on the playground. Parent’s may not realize it – but this is a year that a child with subtle learning problems will all of the sudden start to “stick out”.
School Psychologists often receive a great many special education referrals for third graders. Maybe even more than any others. It seems that this is a time when teachers start to advise parents that their child is “not learning as they should be” or perhaps is “dyslexic”. As a School Psychologist I use to dread the week following the first set of parent-teacher conferences. It meant that I would be flooded with referrals.
WHY THIRD GRADE? I have a theory… or two…
Up until the third grade many of our books included loads of photos and pictures. So, a child who had difficulty with reading or comprehending passages could maybe “fake it” by using really good scanning skills or guessing. Plus, a child with good memory may recall a story or bits of passages if they were read to the child prior. But, in ,good ‘ol third grade the pictures greatly reduce compared to early reading books. The vocabulary becomes harder. Common words used in the first primer years now are transformed to bigger words. We sprinkle synonyms, and antonyms all over the text. There may be introductions to unique or new parts of speech or … wait for it… idioms! Plus, the content can be abstract. A child may need to rely on prior knowledge or imagination. Thus, a child who is very literal may really start to become quite frustrated and exhibit learning issues.
And as with reading – the expectations of written language also increase. No longer do we accept the three-sentence paragraph. We now need to write and write and write… a little at a time or maybe a whole entire page. There may be some prompts or “story starters” – but, by the middle to the end of third grade, our little authors need to be pretty fluid with basic sentence structure. The reversals of letters are no longer acceptable and in fact, a red flag for possible dyslexia.
That brings me to my next point – what is DYSLEXIA? Some people think it simply means reversing letters or numbers. Nope. That is not all true. It is perhaps one of the characteristics of dyslexia- but this disorder is a bit more complicated. Here is a snapshot of what dyslexia “may look like” and please keep in mind that professionals can help you – but please don’t “self diagnose”.
A person with dyslexia may demonstrate a few of the following challenging learning behaviors:
Reads without fluency. Often will mispronounce words, omit words, substitute words or hesitate and need to start over.
Has a hard time knowing what letters make which sounds. This is called phonemic awareness. Some children with read letters wrong and thus identify their sounds incorrectly. A child who reads pal instead of gal because they read the p for g and then identified the wrong sound, is one example. It also shows some letter confusion visually. Also, a child who hears the “p” sounds instead of “b” sound may think they heard pad instead of bad.
Reversals of letters or words. In younger children, we consider reversing letters a developmental stage. After all TOYS R US made it clear that this was a “kid thing” by flipping the R between TOYS and US… But by the THIRD GRADE, this is something we don’t expect students to do.
Free share logo.
So, what can parents do?
Here are some strategies that I recommend to parents to help spurn a love of reading, writing, and even math in their child who struggles. Let’s face it- a child who hates to read or cannot write may miss out – especially as they grow older. So let’s try to prevent this from happening by incorporating reading and writing into our everyday lives!
TIP 1: READ ANYTHING…
My parents use to say I could read anything I wanted to read. If I wanted to read a magazine instead of a storybook before bedtime -that was OK. In high school, I would find all the scary novels on the library shelves and take them home devouring them as fast as I could turn the pages. So my philosophy is to allow your child to read just about anything.
TIP 2:LIVE BY EXAMPLE…
Parents who demonstrate their appreciation for the written word pass on that behavior to their children more times than not. Perhaps setting a time each week as “family read time” would be a great way to have a shared family experience that will transcend beyond your home and into the classroom.
TIP 3: MAKE READING AND WRITING FUN! …
Did you know that many board games involve reading and often writing? Games that are trademarked and have withstood the test of time are often current family favorites. They also have invaluable lessons. So grab Monopoly, Scrabble, Boggle, Risk, Scatterfories, Code Names, Trivia Pursuit (and the “junior” edition) and the countless other games available and play, play, play!
Here is a list I have posted before of common games and what skills they teach. This is by no means an exhaustive list and you may note that many of these games are for 8 and up. So they start around the second or third-grade level.
Trivia Pursuit – helps with turn-taking and general knowledge
Monopoly teaches reading, about money, strategy building, and for many – disappointment!
CLUE is a game that teaches reading, memory and deductive reasoning skills. The same is true for GUESS WHO.
YAHTZEE teaches great math skills – from addition to multiplication. Also a visual discrimination exercise.
MEMORY – well it teaches just that!
CONNECT 4 helps with visual memory and perception.
SCRABBLE is all about word building.
SCATTEGORIES is hones in on language skills like categorization and associations.
CODE NAMES is a fairly new game in comparison to some of these others and it too teaches about memory and word usage.
TIP 4:REGULAR PAPER CAN BE BORING! SHAKE IT UP!
If the opportunity for creativity arises – shake up learning by using unique online programs, different color paper, or templates for cartoons! A diary or journal can spark writing in many kids.
I recently discovered CANVA’s EDUCATIONAL WEBSITE. Here are some examples of what you can make using this dynamic site. There are many pricing options you can pick- some are free.
AND… a few more tips
*Play classical music in the background as your child is working or reading.
*Have your child read a recipe to you and cook that meal!
*Go to museums, art galleries, national parks, or any place that is culturally rich and reading is needed to enhance the experience
*Ask a relative or friend to be your child’s pen pal!
*Invest, if you can, in art materials. Yard sales are great to purchase used items that can be turned into artistic masterpieces!
*Have your child read in a different place than where they do homework. Like on a porch chair or in a special reading nook – just for them!
*Have your child read to you or teach you new words. Playing teacher is a very instrumental way for your child to actually LEARN!
In closing, I love third-graders. In fact, I love watching children of all ages learn. But, I recognize as a psychologist and a parent that third grade was one of those “tough years”. So, if you feel that your child really is having difficulties with learning or your child’s teachers are continually concerned – then consider asking for a referral to see if support could be offered. Know that usually there are many steps before a special education referral is made. Such as RTI- tiered intervention to help a child struggling with academic attainment. Also you may be told about a 504 plan – something discussed earlier in this series.
Congratulations! You made it through graduate school and now it is time for you to use all your knowledge to help children, school staff, and families. Bravo! However, despite all your new found professional skills, you still have so much more to learn! In fact, here is a secret – there is “stuff” that they didn’t teach you in graduate school that I like to call the “inside scoop” of this profession. Curious? Well, keep on reading…
I am a seasoned School Psychologist. I graduated way back with the dinosaurs in 1984 from Penn State. The program was arduous and the competition to get in and stay in was fierce. But, I managed and here I am nearly 40 years later still working with students, teachers, administrators, and families.
My journey hasn’t been a direct path – in fact, I have jumped off and on this trail many times. But, I truly wish there was a course offered among all the other requisites that provided insight and advice that could have made my rookie journey a bit smoother.
So, with that in mind, I offer to you my pearls of wisdom – the good, the bad, and hopefully the funny.
In the digital age don’t forget about good old-fashioned paper. I know many of my colleagues keep their records all digitally. They also use record forms (protocols) that are electronic. I was toying with this idea and then I lost a bunch of emails due to a “glitch” with my Gmail. That convinced me – I am sticking to paper and pen! This means I have both a digital calendar and a real daytime book for appointments. We call it “organizers” in educational terms.
Communicate not once, not twice, but three times with parents and staff. When I make appointments I am super diligent with setting and keeping appointments. I also expect my students and their families to do the same. So, I write notes and send emails up to three times for each meeting. And of course, my online calendars will pester me with reminders. That makes me happy.
Create a ton of different templates for reports. Yes, I am a big fan of the template for writing those very long, boring, and often tedious psychoeducational reports. I found a few I liked from the Teachers Paying Teachers website, but mainly I create my own. Canva helps with graphics (who doesn’t appreciate a well-constructed bell curve graph or chart!?)
Check those numbers! I use a system for tabulating the number of correct ( or incorrect) responses on my record forms. It is the THREE✓ check system. Check one means I added all the numbers of correct/incorrect responses for the first time. The second pass – through for recalculating the numbers to make sure the first and second times match will result in a second check. A third check is placed on the cover of the record booklet which means I checked one last time when I input the numbers into an online scoring system or obtained the results from a scoring manual myself. Regardless of how I score three checks mean I reviewed the results and added them THREE times! Why so redundant? I live in fear of making math errors and even more in fear of having to rescind or explain something I did wrong. Three checks = reduce stress. See the image I mocked up below.
Example of the three check system
5. This is important. Perhaps the most important thing I will share with you today. Know that your results are being received on many levels by the parent / guardian receiving the news. There is a level of understanding about intervention, assessment, and/ or therapy that you have that they don’t. No one handed this parent(s) who may be new to special education a booklet that told them about how they will feel.
Sure, these fine folks received a ton of documents about their rights, but nothing prepped them for the feeling of a dagger slicing their heart to shreds. As a School Psychologist, you need to learn how to deliver the news – whatever it is – with grace, compassion, and professionalism. Period. Remember that your roles could easily be reversed with you as the recipient of the information. I know. I have sat at ‘both sides of the table’.
Don’t make promises. You don’t have a crystal ball. After you deliver “the news” be sure to wait. Give the parents/ guardians a minute to process. Ask them if they have questions. Offer to review parts again or to meet again after they had a day or two to let “the news” sink in. Remember – the people across from you at this table are trying to listen while possibly their simultaneously experiencing a broken heart. They may have just experienced their dreams for this child bursting.
6. When I attended Penn State’s School Psych graduate program I had a great professor who mentored me, Dr. Jim Murphy. Gosh he was amazing and so wise! During my second year of graduate school he was my “clinical supervisor”. That’s the guy who watches you “learn” and then critiques you. One day he gave me great advice when he saw that I was struggling with talking to parents about the results of the evaluation I recently had completed. He said, “Louise – you don’t need to have all the answers. When you talk to parents or staff, it is OK to say- “I don’t know”. But, then follow-up and let them know that you will try your best to get some information to answer their questions. But, never make promises as some questions never can get answered.” Let me tell you – that was solid advice that has stuck with me for decades. Simply know – you are not a walking Google search engine. You don’t and can’t know all the answers. And that is OK.
7. I easily could add much more than seven entries on this list. But, I will close with these last three that are “related”. Keep learning, keep healthy, and keep safe.
Sure you need continuing education credits and you will fulfill this obligation every few years – but in reality, you need to keep learning beyond the world of special education and psychology. Learn about the world beyond your community. Travel. Paint. Go learn to salsa dance. Watch cartoons so you can relate to the first graders in your school. Just keep learning.
And remember to take time to take care of YOU. Turn off the digital world and go enjoy the outdoors. Practice self-care on a daily basis while you are practicing as a psychologist. Reduce your stress in a healthy way that makes sense to you.
Lastly, be personally safe. Learn the layout of each of the schools you visit. Be vigilant with your own safety. Take a self-defense class to protect yourself.
Here are two links to safety tips that we all can use (and I am sure there are many more!)
The Big Island of Hawaii is known for volcanos, lush land of the east bordering the desert of the western side. Small towns and villages with coffee that is AMAZING! But, to really enjoy this island one must either experience it in person or take a view through the lens of another.
Below you will find a few different groupings of photos and a video. The first is a slideshow of the Kona area, including the coffee farms and “shacks” that make it extra special.
Next you will see a carousel from the Volcano National Park- yes there are ACTIVE volcanos on the Big Island.
Historical sites are throughout the island, but many are in the upper west and north quadrant. Don’t miss them. Enjoy this carousel feature, too.
Charming is how I would describe Hilo! Small town vibe with excellent beaches, shops, and restaurants. Don’t miss this part of the island or the photos in the last carousel.
The Rainbow Falls are highlighted in a serene video below. All photos and video are property of moi- Louise Sattler and not for duplication or “snatching”. Thanks!
KONA, The Big Island’s home to tourists and coffee!
THE BIG ISLAND – VOLCANO TIME!
Historic Sites (north and west shore)
Small town of Kohala
Kamuela
King Kamemahame in Kohala
The local dish of Loco Loco
Pu‘ukoholā Heiau National Historic Site, Hawaiʻi, Kamuela, United States
Pu‘ukoholā Heiau National Historic Site, Hawaiʻi, Kamuela, United States
Pu‘ukoholā Heiau National Historic Site, Hawaiʻi, Kamuela, United States
Hilo- the Queen’s garden
Hilo
Don’t miss the Basically Books store
Kid’s section in the Basically Books store
Rainbow Falls, Hilo
The Rainbow Falls are serene and lovely – stop when visiting Hilo.
Determination of Special Education Eligibility:From the School Psychologist’s perspective:
There is no band-aid big enough to cover the broken heart of parents when they find out that their child has a serious learning or developmental disorder. As a school psychologist, I would rehearse the words that needed to be delivered to the parents waiting for me – across “the table”.
I knew that “Bad” or unexpected news needs to be carefully and eloquently given versus blurted out like guesses for Jeopardy. You owe them that much. They trusted you with their child.
I gave hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents “the news”. Usually starting my “spiel” with some glowing remarks about their child – “Such a great worker”, “Really motivated and tried so hard”, or “Fabulous ability to stay on task”. Then came the description of what transpired over hours of one-on-one evaluations, observations, interviews, and discussions with staff. Finally, arrives the moment that many await – the results.
“As you know “your child” and I worked together for many hours over a course of several days. He was alert, responded to my requests without any problems, and seemed to enjoy most of our activities. He was very good at ___ (fill in the blank) and a joy to get to know. With that said… based on the findings from this comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation your seven-year-old child currently has the developmental level of a child younger than himself. That means that his cognitive (intellectual) ability to complete tasks combined with his academic skills, and skills for his daily living – appear also to be delayed for his age and grade. (This is where I pull out a chart that shows visually what I mean – such as the one below
I stop. I look the parents in the eye. And then ask if it is OK to continue with the meeting or if they have any questions about the evaluation process.
I then continue as if I am doing a “big reveal” – but without the cheering and happy faces … “I need you to know that these results allow for our team to discuss options for eligibility and possible programming within special education as I am recommending that your son meets the eligibility qualifications as a child with Intellectual Disabilities. “
This is where a few parents will ask me to repeat – EXACTLY – what I just said. They need to hear it twice as to help with the understanding. It is not uncommon for people to ask questions that seem “basic” but are very important. One parent asked a question that would seem very politically incorrect by today’s standards – “Is my son retarded?”
I respond, “Yes, that is a much older term but the definition probably is the same. However, I need you to know that he is young and we use strategies and programs that have not been introduced to him yet. So, please know that these results may change by the next time we re-evaluate him. We need to keep an eye on your son’s educational programming – monthly – school year by year. We do not have a crystal ball – but I am very hopeful that consistent intervention and programming can only help him to developmentally and academically grow”
THEN I WAIT. With this news or any other “heavy news” I wait. I need to press pause right here and now as I just dropped a potential “heart bomb” and I owe it to the parent(s) to have a moment to process it. I ask if there are any questions. And, if they need a moment to privately discuss or regroup?
By the way… This is where some psychologists fail parents. They simply drop “the news” and then move on because they are thinking of their next appointment, meeting, or even lunch. They fail because they don’t know what it is like to sit at the other side of the table and the immense need for that moment of allowing the messaging they just received to sink in.
“Are you surprised by what I just said?”, I will ask.
Sometimes the response is “not really”. Other times the parents go through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief at record speed with ANGER being where they stop. “NO WAY, he is just like me and I learned just fine!”, announced one very demonstrative father to me. (How do I respond to THAT?)
Or the sobbing begins. This is so hard. I almost rather have the anger. Sobbing means that the dreams they had for their son are now being reformulated as we sit in this too formal setting. News like this should happen on comfy chairs over tea and with boxes of tissues. Not in a room of strangers who just altered your world in a blink.
So, begins most parents’ initial journey into special education.
Please keep in mind that I am using this scenario as one of my scenarios that could happened – just as an example. But, as I have mentioned in prior blogs – special education encompasses a large number of eligibility categories – from needing speech therapy to those with multiple impairments who may need intensive services. The process is almost the same with each category – meetings, reviews, possible evaluations, and/or eligibility meetings and perhaps writing of an IEP.
The Parent Perspective:
It hurts. Hearing any words of concern and describing the most precious and beloved person in my life as less than perfect – hurts so much! But, I recognize that our son needs support with his learning – his talking – his muscles – etc. He is perfect to us- but in the “eyes” of the special education process – he is another “qualifier”. This means special classes and therapies as a child under the age of 3. He will have home visits and I will need to bring him to special centers for infants and toddlers. I will meet other parents and we will share our ‘war stories”. This is helpful to some degree. To others it is not. We decide to supplement his structured learning by placing our little fella also in “regular” daycare. He doesn’t do well the first go-around. He cries too much. Seems a bit lost until recess. Doesn’t want to sit or follow-directions. He is a “handful”. But, in time – with both special and regular preschool – he “graduates” from all of the services except for speech. He can’t pronounce correctly a few sounds and speaks very fast. That seems “do-able”. But, our time in special education isn’t over – we are just “on hiatus”.
When Dreams are Altered.
Dr. Ken Moses is quoted in an article saying these wise words which helped me as a parent:
Parents attach to children through core-level dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. Disability dashes these cherished dreams. The impairment, not the child, irreversibly spoils a parent’s fundamental. heart-felt yearning. Disability shatters the dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future that parents generate as pan of their struggle to accomplish basic life missions. Parents of impaired children grieve for the loss of dreams that are key to the meaning of their existence, to their sense of being. Recovering from such a loss depends on one’s ability to separate from the lost dream, and to generate new. more attainable, dreams.
Dr. Ken Moses, Childhood Disability: A Parent’s Struggle (read more)
I recall going to a conference when our son was young with Dr. Ken Moses as the key presenter. Gosh, it was great! But, I was emotionally drained by the first break. He started the session by having us do an exercise that brought us all to tears. We were to envision our child – before they were born. And then we were to think of our hopes for this child. What we dreamed for their future. These thoughts were to be mentally placed in “thought bubbles”. Then Dr. Moses asked us to reflect on our reality of the challenges this child has endured. Which bubbles are now burst? Which remained? He then went on to discuss how we can make new and attainable dreams with our child – and that hope is a good emotion.
Break out the tissues. This life lesson was extremely powerful.
But, it taught me a huge lesson as a parent. And a psychologist. Dreams are only dreams that sometimes can become reality – or just need adjustments. Regardless, you can DO this!
Being a parent in the digital age
I have learned as a parent and professional to be careful of what information I read and absorb on the internet. And yes, I am keenly aware that my website is chocked full of “suggested resources”. But, please note that when I offer an article or video I do with this caveat – please use your due diligence to be sure to check the content for accuracy and application to your life. With that said, here is a resource that I found helpful on this topic:
