Grief? Anger? Relief? Bewilderment? Welcome to the special-education emotional roller-coaster. (Part 4 of the From Both Sides of the Table series)

Determination of Special Education Eligibility: From the School Psychologist’s perspective:

There is no band-aid big enough to cover the broken heart of parents when they find out that their child has a serious learning or developmental disorder. As a school psychologist, I would rehearse the words that needed to be delivered to the parents waiting for me – across “the table”.

I knew that “Bad” or unexpected news needs to be carefully and eloquently given versus blurted out like guesses for Jeopardy.  You owe them that much.  They trusted you with their child.  

I gave hundreds, perhaps thousands, of parents “the news”.  Usually starting my “spiel” with some glowing remarks about their child – “Such a great worker”, “Really motivated and tried so hard”, or “Fabulous ability to stay on task”. Then came the description of what transpired over hours of one-on-one evaluations, observations, interviews, and discussions with staff.   Finally, arrives the moment that many await – the results.

“As you know “your child” and I worked together for many hours over a course of several days. He was alert, responded to my requests without any problems, and seemed to enjoy most of our activities. He was very good at ___ (fill in the blank) and a joy to get to know. With that said… based on the findings from this comprehensive psychoeducational evaluation your seven-year-old child currently has the developmental level of a child younger than himself. That means that his cognitive (intellectual) ability to complete tasks combined with his academic skills, and skills for his daily living – appear also to be delayed for his age and grade. (This is where I pull out a chart that shows visually what I mean – such as the one below

I stop. I look the parents in the eye. And then ask if it is OK to continue with the meeting or if they have any questions about the evaluation process.

I then continue as if I am doing a “big reveal” – but without the cheering and happy faces … “I need you to know that these results allow for our team to discuss options for eligibility and possible programming within special education as I am recommending that your son meets the eligibility qualifications as a child with Intellectual Disabilities. “

This is where a few parents will ask me to repeat – EXACTLY – what I just said. They need to hear it twice as to help with the understanding. It is not uncommon for people to ask questions that seem “basic” but are very important. One parent asked a question that would seem very politically incorrect by today’s standards – “Is my son retarded?”

I respond, “Yes, that is a much older term but the definition probably is the same.  However, I need you to know that he is young and we use strategies and programs that have not been introduced to him yet.  So, please know that these results may change by the next time we re-evaluate him.  We need to keep an eye on your son’s educational programming – monthly – school year by year. We do not have a crystal ball – but I am very hopeful that consistent intervention and programming can only help him to developmentally and academically grow”  

THEN I WAIT. With this news or any other “heavy news” I wait. I need to press pause right here and now as I just dropped a potential “heart bomb” and I owe it to the parent(s) to have a moment to process it. I ask if there are any questions. And, if they need a moment to privately discuss or regroup?

By the way… This is where some psychologists fail parents. They simply drop “the news” and then move on because they are thinking of their next appointment, meeting, or even lunch. They fail because they don’t know what it is like to sit at the other side of the table and the immense need for that moment of allowing the messaging they just received to sink in.

“Are you surprised by what I just said?”, I will ask. 

Sometimes the response is “not really”.  Other times the parents go through the Kubler-Ross stages of grief at record speed with ANGER being where they stop.  “NO WAY, he is just like me and I learned just fine!”, announced one very demonstrative father to me.  (How do I respond to THAT?) 

Or the sobbing begins.  This is so hard.  I almost rather have the anger.  Sobbing means that the dreams they had for their son are now being reformulated as we sit in this too formal setting. News like this should happen on comfy chairs over tea and with boxes of tissues.  Not in a room of strangers who just altered your world in a blink. 

So, begins most parents’ initial journey into special education. 

Please keep in mind that I am using this scenario as one of my scenarios that could happened – just as an example. But, as I have mentioned in prior blogs – special education encompasses a large number of eligibility categories – from needing speech therapy to those with multiple impairments who may need intensive services. The process is almost the same with each category – meetings, reviews, possible evaluations, and/or eligibility meetings and perhaps writing of an IEP.


The Parent Perspective:

It hurts. Hearing any words of concern and describing the most precious and beloved person in my life as less than perfect – hurts so much! But, I recognize that our son needs support with his learning – his talking – his muscles – etc. He is perfect to us- but in the “eyes” of the special education process – he is another “qualifier”. This means special classes and therapies as a child under the age of 3. He will have home visits and I will need to bring him to special centers for infants and toddlers. I will meet other parents and we will share our ‘war stories”. This is helpful to some degree. To others it is not. We decide to supplement his structured learning by placing our little fella also in “regular” daycare. He doesn’t do well the first go-around. He cries too much. Seems a bit lost until recess. Doesn’t want to sit or follow-directions. He is a “handful”. But, in time – with both special and regular preschool – he “graduates” from all of the services except for speech. He can’t pronounce correctly a few sounds and speaks very fast. That seems “do-able”. But, our time in special education isn’t over – we are just “on hiatus”.


When Dreams are Altered.

Dr. Ken Moses is quoted in an article saying these wise words which helped me as a parent:

Parents attach to children through core-level dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future. Disability dashes these cherished dreams. The impairment, not the child, irreversibly spoils a parent’s fundamental. heart-felt yearning. Disability shatters the dreams, fantasies, illusions, and projections into the future that parents generate as pan of their struggle to accomplish basic life missions. Parents of impaired children grieve for the loss of dreams that are key to the meaning of their existence, to their sense of being. Recovering from such a loss depends on one’s ability to separate from the lost dream, and to generate new. more attainable, dreams.

Dr. Ken Moses, Childhood Disability: A Parent’s Struggle (read more)

I recall going to a conference when our son was young with Dr. Ken Moses as the key presenter. Gosh, it was great! But, I was emotionally drained by the first break. He started the session by having us do an exercise that brought us all to tears. We were to envision our child – before they were born. And then we were to think of our hopes for this child. What we dreamed for their future. These thoughts were to be mentally placed in “thought bubbles”. Then Dr. Moses asked us to reflect on our reality of the challenges this child has endured. Which bubbles are now burst? Which remained? He then went on to discuss how we can make new and attainable dreams with our child – and that hope is a good emotion.

Break out the tissues. This life lesson was extremely powerful.

But, it taught me a huge lesson as a parent. And a psychologist. Dreams are only dreams that sometimes can become reality – or just need adjustments. Regardless, you can DO this!


Being a parent in the digital age

I have learned as a parent and professional to be careful of what information I read and absorb on the internet. And yes, I am keenly aware that my website is chocked full of “suggested resources”. But, please note that when I offer an article or video I do with this caveat – please use your due diligence to be sure to check the content for accuracy and application to your life. With that said, here is a resource that I found helpful on this topic:

PARENT COMPANION

From Both Sides of the Table – Part 2: The Beginning of the Special Education Process

From Both Sides of the Table is a series of blogs dedicated to presenting different points of view about the special education process. In case you missed the first part – here is the link.

Special education is filled with tons of terms and acronyms- often confusing to professionals and parents alike. In an effort to help decipher the “special education code” I am going to focus this blog on basic terms, what they mean, and the most often asked questions at the beginning stage of this process. Also – what is the difference between an IEP and 504 Plan?

What is Special Education?

Special education is based on the Individual With Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). In essence, public schools need to offer special education services (instruction and ancillary programs) if a child meets the criteria of at least one of the eligibility categories. (See below for these categories). Keep in mind that your child being behind in reading may not result in him or her receiving entry to special education. There are many steps that need to be checked off before the first scheduled special education assessment can be conducted.

An interesting side note: The Department of Education reported that during the 2020-21 school year, 14. 5% of all students between the ages of 3-21 years of age received special education.

IDEA: Individuals with Disabilities Education Act (IDEA). A common definition for IDEA is as follows: The Individuals with Disabilities Education Act is a piece of American legislation that ensures students with a disability are provided with a Free Appropriate Public Education that is tailored to their individual needs. IDEA was previously known as the Education for All Handicapped Children Act from 1975 to 1990. (Wikipedia)

SST meetings (Student Study Team) – This is a formal meeting where concerns and information are shared about a child’s abilities and current status in education. Parent’s often are the ones who make a request for the SST meeting.

FAPE | Free appropriate public education – The legal right of a child with a disability who has qualified for special education services to receive intervention as determined by federal law.

IEP – Individualized Education Plan– A plan of instruction (with or without related services) created for a child who has been identified as eligible for special education.

IFSP-  Individualized Family Service Plan: An intervention plan, that includes the family, of a child who has been identified for special education before the age of three.

LRE – Least Restrictive Environment – Another legal statute where a child must receive special education services in an environment that is determined to be the least restrictive. The goal is to start with services within the general education classroom setting, if possible. If not the setting for the child’s education can then become “more restrictive”. The most restrictive would be a child who is in residential care for their educational needs.

Related Services – Services ancillary to instruction. Examples of related services could be mental health counseling, occupational therapy, speech and language therapy, and/or physical therapy.

Transition Services – Services afforded to a child in special education to help with the transition from school to adult or post-secondary life. Sometimes, it refers to a child who is transitioning from an IFSP to an IEP program.

Due Process: When there are disagreements with special education eligibility or how services may or may not be delivered, the parents and school district have the right to conduct a “due process hearing”. This is a very long and involved procedure that is best explained by Wrights Law – an excellent resource for “all things about the legal aspects with special education”.


How does the special education process begin? Usually, a referral for special education consideration starts in one of three ways:

  1. A child has been referred to the special education team for early childhood programs. Each state or region may have a different name for these programs but they usually share many of the same elements that I will elaborate on a little later. The referral is commonly through an agency or program like “Child Find”. (This video discusses the Child Find program in Virginia. The information shared is pretty much standard throughout the United States.)
  2. Your child has entered the public (or private) school and the teacher has referred the child for special education consideration due to concerns with the child’s learning abilities or speech/ language skills, for example.
  3. A parent or parents are concerned that their child is lagging with development, such as not reading like others their age or having challenges with math skills. Sometimes they are concerned with behaviors that they feel may be atypical – maybe even alarming.

Commonly asked questions about the special education process (Click on the box to see the response)

How do I start the process for my child to be considered for special education help if they are younger than the age of three?

The process can be started by contacting your local Child Find or Early Intervention Team. A phone call, email, or personal request at your local elementary school or school district office can get the process started. Also, you can ask your pediatrician for information or to help make the referral.

How do I start the process for my child to be considered for special education help if they are older than the age of three?

Again, reaching out to the local school district, your child’s teacher, and/or the school administrator in writing (or by email) would be the first step. Sometimes, you can make the request verbally (such as at a parent-teacher conference) – but please follow up with a written request.

What are the steps of the special education process?

The process starts with a referral. The referral leads to an initial meeting – called an SST or another term such as ARD. This also starts the timeline – a legal punching of the “clock” for how efficiently and quickly the process must be completed. There are a specific number of days/ weeks for each portion of the process. From the initial referral to any signatures needed for an IEP (if one is offered).

What does the term “psychoeducational evaluation” mean?

A psychoeducational evaluation is comprised of a very comprehensive set of assessments, observations, surveys, interviews, and more that gather much information about the way a child is developing. The most common elements of this portfolio of tests include cognitive or general developmental assessments and the processes that are involved with learning (such as memory or auditory processing). We also use tests that measure achievement (reading, written language, math). Furthermore, visual perceptual motor skills are assessed, too. Then there are rating scales/measures that look at the social-emotional development and adaptive behavior of a student. These tests are the “basics” and often the standard for most psychoeducational evaluations.

What is an IFSP?

This is the Federal program afforded to children birth to three who are in need of intervention due to developmental delays, medical disorders, or sensory deficits (such as blindness or deafness).

What is an IEP?

An IEP is an acronym for Individualized Educational Plan. It is a legal document. The IEP is a very lengthy document that has many purposes. First, it documents the current educational status of the child and measurable goals on how the child will receive assistance. This assistance must be in the least restrictive environment and be given in good faith. For example, a child may receive instruction within their regular education classroom but with a special education teacher providing resources and support. Or they may be invited to another classroom for part of the day to hone in on skill development for a specific subject or set of subjects – such as reading and written language. Ancillary services also are part of the IEP – such as any behavioral goals or programs that will be employed. Check back for another article that takes a deeper dive about creating and implementing an IEP.

Who decides if my child receives an IEP (or not)?

The IEP team consists of many people, including the parents if they are they have educational rights to the child and the student, if appropriate. Also, the team may include the classroom teacher(s), a special education teacher, a school administrator (or designee), a school psychologist (if requested), an occupational therapist (if requested), a speech and language therapist (if requested), a physical therapist (if requested), and other providers – such as a mental health counselor. Read more here.

What is a 504 plan? How does it differ from an IEP?

The 504 Plan is technically… “Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973, is American legislation that guarantees certain rights to people with disabilities. It was one of the first U.S. federal civil rights laws offering protection for people with disabilities.”.* It basically allows your child to receive accommodations to their program in the general education program – such as preferential seating or extended time while taking a test.

Many parents (and professionals) often confuse the 504 Plan with an IEP. They are not the same, but share many of the same “ingredients”. Both are legal documents. And, both are meant to support the student in the least restrictive manner possible. There are subtle and not-so-subtle differences, however. This author spells out the parts of both the IEP and 504 by comparing them here.

*wikipedia

What happens if your child is in private school, including parochial school? Are they eligible for special education? The short answer is that a child in a private school environment is not covered by IDEA law. However, if a public school has asked a private school for a student to be placed in their environment – then the child is covered by IDEA. But wait – it is even a wee bit more complicated as Section 504 of the Americans with Disabilities Act does not exclude private schools from providing reasonable accommodations for people who need them – such as, building a ramp for students who use a wheelchair or providing an interpreter for Deaf pupils.

I am going to take a bet that if you are new to education, let alone special education, then the information I just presented might feel very overwhelming. Even I felt overwhelmed when we entered the special education process. In fact, let me share our very personal experience in an effort to let you know – if you are starting your special education journey – you are not alone.

—–

Fall 1993

I remembered making the call to start “the process” going. 

 I carried around the district phone number for the developmental “child find” office for weeks before I had the guts to call.  Crazy, right?! 

I knew the person who would answer.  I knew the drill of what came next.  But I didn’t want to find anything wrong with our precious baby – just wanted some reassurance that he would be OK.

It was a gamble.  Make the call and get some support and potential help for your child.  Don’t make the call and try to “do it on your own”.   

I made the call and that is when the reality started to sink in. 

Rich, my colleague, and the kind voice on the other end of the phone call listened to me unwrap the story of our son’s birth and first year of development.  He then started to speak, using his well-known empathetic tone.  

He quietly said, “You know what comes next?   Our Child Find team will evaluate Bubba over the next month or so.  Then we will convene with the results and go from there.

“And go from there… “  

It would have been somewhat helpful for my nerves if I didn’t know what “there” meant.  Would this be the beginning of me going through the stages of grief?  In some respect, I already was “there”.  

After several weeks of evaluations with an assortment of service providers – the meeting was scheduled for “the results”. 

So, we arrived at the meeting and as parents, we took our places on the “other side of the table’.  It would appear that not only were we now in “Holland”, but, hubby and I also were parents at the threshold of the world of special education.  Bubba was their newest member. 


PHEW! So much to learn – so stay tuned for the next installment of FROM BOTH SIDES OF THE TABLE?

NEW Early Brain Development Box Set – Perfect for Parents and Educators!

NEW Early Development Brain Insights Box Set

There are a number of professionals who are dedicated to early childhood brain development.  Deborah McNelis, founder and owner of BrainInsights is one of my favorites!  Not only does she have a wealth of experience with how children grow, feel and behave – but she has been a well sought after speaker and entrepreneur for years. That is why when her latest product – the NEW Early Brain Development Box Set was delivered to my door this past week, I leapt at the chance of reviewing it and sharing it with readers.

Deborah has been known for her creation of  user friendly cards that are chocked full of ideas and activities for people who live with, care for and love young children.  This new box set is full of bright photos adorning cards with amazing ideas for engagement and learning.  Each one is meant to stimulate developmental milestones including socialization, motor development, communication and skills needed as building blocks for formal learning situations. The unique aspect of this set is that the cards  are written as if from the perspective of the child.  Give Me, Show Me, Cheer with Me and etc.

IMG_6889

As a School Psychologist who works with training staff on developmental and educational issues, I found that this product aligned nicely with Early Head Start and Head Start goals.   There is enough involved with this product to make anyone who specializes in child development or pediatric neuro-psychology happily satisfied.

I had an opportunity to ask Deborah what was her main objectives with her latest addition to her already successful product line. She replied: The main point I am trying to promote is that this set is ideal for parenting programs, teachers, homevisitors, therapists, and pediatricians. It makes it very easy and affordable for them to provide insights and ideas to parents, if they can’t afford to provide brain packets for each family.”

I would have to agree, at under $50 for the ENTIRE set this is almost a “steal”.  I would deem the NEW Early Brain Development Box set perfect as a baby gift or an addition to any early childhood centers or schools.

Pre-order information can be found here:  BrainInsightsOnline

Note: I received a set of cards gratis from my colleague via 411 Voices, Deborah McNelis. They were donated to a young family following the completion of this blog.

The Power of Imaginary Play

      I love to listen to kids play.  Especially when they are playing “pretend”.  It often is a treat for me to still hear neighborhood kids yell, “Ships Ahoy”, as they imagine themselves as pirates while traversing the backyards on our street.   I can’t help think during this holiday season that the best gifts often are not store bought, but the ones we throw together to help foster a childs’ imagination!

The other night during the 411 VOICES SPOTLIGHT radio show, the guests and I discussed the value of home made objects to be used during play.   Here is what we decided were perennial favorites for toddlers up through the elementary years.

 A BOX.  Nothing beats a box that once held a dishwasher but now becomes a fort!  Cut out the sides for windows or the side flaps and you have a spaceship, car, or ship! Add some paint, crayons, string and a makeshift flag, if you want!

Many years ago for our daughter’s fourth birthday party I took computer paper boxes and turned them in to Thomas the Tank Engines.  Each child was on the of trains and we made a track out of chalk on our driveway. Add some cheap bells from any craft store and you have a whole fleet of trains chugging around the track!  To this day it is heralded by those who attended as one of the simplest parties with the most laughter attended by preschoolers!

Don’t discount a shoebox either! These handy little boxes can be made in to Polly Pocket dollhouses or action hero vehicles with some basic craft supplies and ingenuity!

NOTE: Boxes are also great to use during group exercises by schools and groups (such as scouts) for lessons, team building and more.  Think creatively as children can map out stories and integrate ideas from others by using this different writing medium! Ah.. I love boxes.

TUPPERWARE,  OLD PANS, PLASTIC KITCHEN TOOLS and a FLOOR!  Who needs musical instruments when you can hand a child a set of kitchen accessories to make an orchestra come alive!  Key is to not give a child anything that can break and be harmful, nor something you treasure! So, leave the good stuff in the drawers!

    DRESS UP-  Empty your closet of all the crazy clothes you bought in the 80’s, 90’s and early miellenium and let your child have fun literally walking in your shoes. Let them pretend to be the business person, teacher, parent , etc.  Don’t forget the hats, shoes and gloves!  (And by all means the camera!!)

In closing, childhood is such a short time in the grand spectrum of things.  So, go ahead and let the kids in your lives be just that- kids!  And, if so inclined, sneak a peek, a picture and listen carefully to the magic of “KID-dom”.